I was doing well, so why didn’t it feel like it?

This morning, I caught myself thinking I should be further ahead. 

Which is interesting, because on paper, things were going well. The business was bringing in good money, I had freedom in my time, I live in a home I love, and I’m in a relationship that feels grounded and supportive. I’ve built a life that, a few years ago, I really wanted.

And yet there it was. That sense of not quite enough. Of being just behind where I should be.

I’ve been reading “The Gap and the Gain”, and one idea really landed. 

I wasn’t measuring my life by how far I’d come. I was measuring it against an ideal I hadn’t reached yet.

That’s what the book calls the gap.

And if you’re driven and always working towards something, it’s an easy place to end up.

The goalposts move without you noticing.

For me, it showed up in small, persistent thoughts. 

• “I should be earning a consistent £xk a month by now”. 

• “I need to get back to clean eating to feel better”. 

• “I've been an absent friend; I should reach out again”

Nothing dramatic. Just a steady background hum.

From the outside, it can look like motivation. Inside, it feels more like pressure. Like something is still missing.

The book talks about the gain as measuring progress against where you used to be. 

So, I started there instead. 

What have I actually created in my life?

And when I looked at it properly, there was a lot more than I usually give myself credit for:

• I’ve built a business that’s supported me for over 6 years. 

• I became B Corp certified and helped others do the same. 

• I’ve travelled to 80+ countries. 

• I bought my home outright. 

• I’ve built a relationship I value deeply. 

• I sleep well, feel strong, and actually like my life. 

• Plus, I’ve supported a lot of good people to do work that matters to them. And feel good doing it.

  
  

Looking at it like this changes something. Not into complacency. More of a sense of being able to see what’s already here and build from there.

That feels very different.

The realisation I was needing, rather than wanting. 

I can want more income, a stronger body, and a better connection with friends. That feels clean.

It gets heavier when those things become needs. Because then my sense of okay-ness depends on them. I stop choosing my direction and start trying to secure my worth. Ick.

That’s where things tighten for me, and a lot of high performers I know.

A few questions I’ve been journaling through:

• What do (I feel like I) need to be happy? 

• Who am I measuring myself against? 

• Where am I focused on what’s missing? 

• What changes if I measure my life from progress instead?

I’ve started writing down three gains, or daily wins. 

Nothing big, just things that moved things forward: a joyful family Zoom, feeling well-prepped for a meeting, saying yes to a public speaking request. 

It sounds simple, but it changes what gets reinforced. Nothing in my external life has dramatically changed. But my experience of it has.

Less pressure. More presence. And more space to choose, not react.

And from there, decisions feel easier. Work feels lighter. And there’s more energy for what actually matters.

If this sounds familiar and you'd like support with it, get in touch. I work with people on exactly this.

Mehalah Beckett is an executive, team and business coach, and the founder of Lead Powerful Impact, a certified B-Corp.

She works with purpose-driven leaders and sustainable businesses who want to move beyond performance, lead with clarity and self-trust, and create impact without burning out.

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