The illusion of control

"I need to get this over the line."

Said my client, with a scrunchy face. 

Ever had that thought?

Perhaps before a board meeting, client pitch or difficult stakeholder conversation.

You prepare thoroughly, know your numbers and anticipate the questions. And walk in believing that if you're prepared and knowledgeable enough, you must get the outcome you want.

And sometimes you do. But not always.

Someone raises an unexpected objection, a stakeholder changes their mind, a decision gets delayed. And the conversation changes direction entirely. 

Suddenly you're reminded of something most leaders would rather not think about.

You were never in control of the outcome.

You had influence. They're not the same thing.

For the impact-driven leaders I work with, this can be an uncomfortable realisation. We care deeply about the work. We want things to succeed. We want the team to thrive. We want clients to say yes. We want our ideas to land. 

They’re no-brainers.

So it's easy to fall into the habit of believing that if we think harder, prepare more thoroughly and anticipate every possible challenge, we'll increase our chances of success.

The misunderstanding

Most of the stress I see in leaders comes from confusing responsibility with control.

You have a responsibility to prepare well, think clearly, bring your best judgement, and have the conversations others might avoid. That's part of leadership.

But somewhere along the way, many of us start taking responsibility for things that were never ours in the first place.

Whether a client says yes.

Whether a stakeholder agrees.

Whether the board reaches the conclusion you hoped for.

How much of what you're carrying right now is actually yours to carry?

• There's your business.

• There's other people's business.

• And there's God's business.

You get a fair amount of say in your own business.

You have some influence over someone else's.

God's business is everything else. The economy. Timing. Unexpected events. The opportunities and challenges nobody could have predicted.

The trouble starts when we spend too much time in the wrong business.

Trying to manage outcomes that don't belong to us.

Trying to secure certainty where none exists.

Trying to control things that were never available for control in the first place.

No wonder leadership feels heavy.

What changes

This doesn't mean becoming passive or lowering your standards. Far from it.

What if you stopped trying to predict every scenario and just responded to what's actually happening?

The most effective leaders I know care deeply about what they're creating. They prepare thoroughly, take responsibility seriously, and show up fully for the people around them.

The difference is that they don't confuse influence with control.

They understand that leadership isn't about forcing outcomes. It's about bringing your best thinking, your best judgement, and your best effort to whatever is in front of you, then responding intelligently to what happens next.

That creates a very different experience of work.

Instead of spending energy worrying about how someone might react, you're free to focus on the quality of the conversation you're having.

Instead of trying to predict every possible scenario, you're able to respond to what's actually happening.

Instead of looking for certainty, you can trust yourself to navigate uncertainty when it arrives.

And that difference changes how you show up as a leader.

The invitation

The next time you catch yourself thinking, "I need to get this over the line," or feeling scrunchy-faced, pause for a moment.

Ask yourself which business you're in.

Is it your business?

Someone else's?

Or God's?

You may discover you've been putting pressure on yourself to deliver something that was never entirely up to you.

You might discover you've been trying to deliver something that was never entirely up to you. What becomes possible when you stop?

If this resonates and you'd like to explore how it shows up in your leadership, book a call and let's talk it through.

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Mehalah Beckett is an executive, team and business coach, and the founder of Lead Powerful Impact, a certified B-Corp.

She works with purpose-driven leaders and sustainable businesses who want to move beyond performance, lead with clarity and self-trust, and create impact without burning out.

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